Introduction
“Don’t do that!” or “Come back here!” or “Don’t eat that!” or…
In the developmental ages of children, stubborn phases such as disobedience—the problem of every parent, unfortunately inevitably emerge. At this stage, children who start to take control by developing their consciousness physically and mentally need to try and test this control over them and insist on some actions to proceed in their way.
This situation is quite difficult for parents who resort to solutions that intimidate their children, which can cause many negative effects, such as yelling, threatening, criticizing, or insulting when they are too stuck. As a parent, you should be aware that all these stages are effective factors in your child’s development and personality formation during this period and that this process is temporary.
In this context, you should act with a lot of patience. Remember that the attitude and behavior of parents towards their children is the most important factor in their obedience. In other words, yelling will be a solution that will temporarily and negatively affect children.
Negative Effects of Yelling at Your Child
Yelling, which seems like a solution that takes effect quickly, is an option that parents often use to make their children obey. However, although it seems to have a rapid effect, it is an action that poses critical dangers for their future, as it is secret and silent in the children growing up as suppressed individuals.
1. Behavior and Disciplinary Disorder in Children
It was revealed in a study that children whose immediate feelings and thoughts were suppressed by yelling showed much more negative behaviors and undisciplined attitudes in their later years. Because trying to discipline children by yelling only means covering up the concepts and feelings they are trying to express in an unfinished way.
The child, who cannot express themself in some way, will eventually demonstrate some behavioral disorders such as sudden outbursts and anger control problems and will shape his thoughts in a way that is entirely rebellious to the parents’ discipline that they are trying to establish on their children. This means that, in short, the child being yelled at will not be able to control his anger, nor will he be able to maintain his rebellion against his environment, particularly against his parents.
2. Negatively Affecting Children’s Development
The human brain is an organ that works in a mechanism that is particularly prone to functioning by separating negative words or behaviors from positive ones. Because an adult’s brain is much more sensitive, your children’s brain will be susceptible and changeable to negative responses like yelling, especially during their developmental age.
It is a fact that has been seen in the scientific world that individuals constantly exposed to being yelled at in childhood differ in the parts of their brains processing sound and language compared to those who were not exposed.
Speaking scientifically, for instance, the act of yelling at children reveals important and permanent changes in their brain structures. That is to say, when neurotransmitters in the brain are confronted with a calm speech and attitude, they send soothing biochemicals to the body, making the person feel safe.
However, on the other hand, yelling can cause the brain to resort to the fight and escape as a defense of the individual both against himself and others; therefore, it causes physical violence and isolation caused by yelling at the children, against his parents as well as against other individuals around him.
3. Causing Depression and Anxiety
Just as there are changes and differences in the brain, yelling at children results in negative psychological effects such as depression and anxiety. Neurotransmitters from the brain that cause them to feel vulnerable and sensitive also cause the child to have a sad, hurt and fearful psychology. Notably, the act of yelling, which is the act of scolding, is verbal abuse against the child, and this causes many psychological problems, especially depression and anxiety.
4. Causing Chronic Pain and Physical Illness
It has been scientifically proven that an individual who faced yelling in childhood suffers from chronic pain such as head, back, and neck aches in adulthood. Moreover, it was emphasized that these effects are long-lasting. Similarly, depending on all these results, the anger control and behavioral disorders that occur in the child exposed to yelling tend to resort to violence in the child and harm herself and those around her.
5. Blurring the Child’s Communication Skills for Both the Present and the Future
Since yelling is not a way of communication from the very beginning, when there is a problem or trying to find a solution without communicating technically, it will be seen that the child is also detached from the concept of communication. Naturally, in case of the slightest communication with him in the future, the child will move away from it and refuse it.
Or, it will be difficult for the child who resorts to recessive behaviors such as alienation and self-isolation to establish healthy communication. In fact, he will consider yelling as a way of communication in his future life and will fail obviously by trying to communicate with everyone around him in this way.
How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Yelling
1. Try to Solve Your Child’s Problem by Listening to Them
As a child, being unable to make their voice heard and not being listened to by the elders, as well as being ignored with their problems, is a critical problem. As the closest and most sincere individuals, they want to find solutions to their problems by being listened to in the first place so that they can cooperate with their parents and trust them.
In this framework, children naturally need to be listened to for mutually listening to their parents. Moreover, when a listening education method is chosen for children, psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, or autism are prevented, as opposed to yelling.
To put it another way, instead of resorting to a short-term solution such as yelling, parents should cooperate with their children as a much longer-term solution by listening to them and trying to find solutions to their problems.
2. Do Not Make Imperative Sentences and Be Careful About Your Tone
Avoid imperative questions or direct imperatives unless an answer is needed. For example, try to use sentences in a softer-looking and calm tone like “If you finish your meal, we can watch your favorite cartoon together.” instead of “Finish your plate!” as an imperative sentence with a loud tone.
Through such an action in a form that will reach an agreement with the child, not the imperative mood, both the parent himself will get away from the act of yelling, and it will be much easier to come to terms with the child.
3. Try to Understand Your Child and Turn Negative Into Positive
As you listen, try to understand your child’s problems, feelings, and thoughts by empathizing with him and trying to make the negative situation positive for them as much as possible. This way, your child will realize this emotional understanding and cooperation with him and act to listen to you. Unlike the yelling method, it will be much more guaranteed and a brilliant solution for your child.
4. Keep Yourself Calm and Be Consistent With the Clear Statements
The most common and easiest way for a parent to lose control of themselves, behave inappropriately, and be irritable towards their child will be yelling and scolding. In this context, he should be a patient parent from the very beginning and should provide his control in front of his child.
Also, remember that it is quite natural for children to engage in some unlawful behavior called misbehavior by adults. However, when certain limits are exceeded, the parent should remain calm and make clear and plain explanations against these mischiefs.
Do not forget that the personality of your children—being in the developmental age, ages and takes shape day by day and is influenced by everyone around them in this process. That’s why you have to stay calm and control your temper so that your child behaving excessively insistently in any of his attitudes will listen to you as a parent. Depending on this, you can also apply calming techniques such as breathing.
5. Try Not to Judge Your Kid
Remember that a parent who yells is more likely to judge their child for scolding him. The child who is judged in this way will display a cowardly and timid attitude toward the person she should feel closest to, namely her parents, and will close herself to her during his developing age. Likewise, the child will naturally be prone to self-isolation to avoid being judged and yelling.
In other words, you can make your children realize their own mistakes and flaws by making comments in a calm tone as well as much more flexible criticism. Thus, you can make them aware of their mistakes and not avoid any comments that may be against them.
6. Give Your Child Time, Not a Penalty or Reward
Children naturally make conditions for certain actions in situations that require punishment or reward. This will lead to situations such as making inconsistent and anxious decisions in their behaviors and will also be a harbinger of future problems.
A child who insists on disobeying the parent and is just as angry will need to be given time, just as the parent gives themselves time to calm down. If he is conditioned by punishment or reward for certain behaviors, it will lead to repetition or shyness of their behaviors. At this point, you should give your child some time to get over his anger or even stubbornness without resorting to punishment or reward.
Thus, over time, he will be able to face himself, learn to make the right decisions, and take control of himself much healthier way. In this way, it will be a much more solid action to make your child listen to your words rather than yell at him.
7. Try to Use Eye Contact and Get Their Height Level
Since children pay more attention to kinetic actions rather than verbal behavior, you should establish healthy communication with your child, not only verbally but also with his body language.
The communication you provide by establishing eye contact in a position suitable for their height and level will make children feel much safer and more sympathetic towards you. Thus, you can ensure that your child understands you and listens to you with strong body language communication, as well as calmly, without being yelled at.
8. Use Humor
Children naturally like and prefer fun and playful things. Receiving a more humorous and playful response from their parents to the problems they face allows them to calm their nerves and cooperate with their parents much more. Reducing the tension in the problems will perhaps be one of the most effective methods for children.
Instead of yelling at the child and breaking his heart, following a much more playful and humorous way also greatly contributes to the parent’s relationship with their child. In this way, your child will be calm, and you will be able to cooperate in their environment.
Conclusion
To sum up, as you play a huge role as a parent in developing and shaping your children’s personality and future, you should consider their attitudes. The parenting process is a life-long process and requires a lot of patience.
Instead of using behaviors such as yelling, scolding, and insulting as a solution that will negatively affect the development of your children, it is in your hands to turn them into well-behaved individuals in many healthy ways.
